Gleam of glass in my mailbox
Grading tests can wait
What did I find in my mailbox tonight? Why, nothing less than a donation of Weird Soda from our Mysterious Stranger! I am so moved that I wrote the haiku above in honor of this selfless individual who has done so much to further the cause of Weird Soda research. Bless you, Mysterious Stranger!
And what a soda we received! I have never heard of this one. It comes in a small 6.7 oz. bottle, which made me think I had better make sure it's not hooch-based. Indeed, it is not; it identifies itself as Abbondio Chinotto, a "Chinotto Carbonated Soft Drink". The label is definitely the classiest label I've ever seen on a Weird Soda: a nice brown background with yellow, and--get this--gold metallic accents, inclusing the name of the company (Abbondio). Not only that, but some of the text is in Italian. Allow me to quote from the bottlecap:
"Premiata Fabrica, dal 1889 bibite gassate Abbondio"
which the Google rendereth:
"Fabrica awarded since 1889 Abbondio fizzy drinks".
I ask you, can a Weird Soda opera be far behind? ARIA: "O amore gassate mio, quando si burp?"
The front of the label claims that "Since the end of 1800, travellers used to pause for refreshment in Tortona, where they could enjoy 'Chinotto' and it is still served today with this name." Verily, I am trembling with anticipation. Let's read the ingredients to heighten the mood:
Carbonated water, sugar, caramel IV, natural flavors, citric acid, salt.
I must have missed Caramel I-III. Or perhaps it's not a sequel, but rather an oxidation state or some such. And I'm intrigued by the salt. Crack that sucker!
Oh, wait. I don't have a bottle opener at work. Er...keys...teeth...SOMETHING...
Where and when: donated by the Mysterious Stranger, 4/7/09
Color: appears to be a rich brown. Not quite as dark as Coke or Pepsi.
Scent: can't...get...it...open...
Color (continued): Yep. Still brown. The condensation on the sides of the bottle is pretty.
Scent: (sound of keys failing to open the cap, cursing)
Color (continued further): er...kinda coffeish?
Scent: (sound of power tools, including a Sawzall) OW!
Color (even more continuation): um...the brown kinda fades at the edges of the bottle.
Scent: (sound of carbonation escaping) YES! Now, the scent. It's spicy and sweet, with an interesting sharp floral note, almost like intense roses. Cola-like, but not harsh or acid.
Taste: Aack! A bit like cola right at first, but there is a very rapid attack of the Weird Herbal Bitter Beasties. An intense grassy-bitter flavor broadsides you just as the sweet is getting started. It's tart and bitter, like coffee mixed with lime juice, but with whipped cream on top. Really, really weird. I can't decide if it's more medicine-y or tree barky. The basic taste is pretty cola-ish, fairly sweet, but it has the massive weird stuff overwhelming it about half a second after the cola taste. I can't say I like it, but it's something different. Weird, even.
The sour and bitter linger in the aftertaste, with the bitter remaining longest. At least it doesn't have the heavy, greasy feeling some others have had--that would make this really vile. Instead, it's fairly clean, but the bitter is here to stay.
I'm guessing that the travellers who paused for this didn't exactly do so voluntarily. Or maybe it was something dads did to the kids in the back of the cart who wouldn't quit fighting. "You kids be quiet, or we'll pause in Tortona for refreshment!"
Aftertaste update: The sour has come from behind for a stunning victory over bitter.
Cough rating: 2.5. Didn't actually make me want to puke, but a spit-take was a possibility for a moment. Weird facial expressions definitely ensued.
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