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Monday, April 20, 2009

Guarana Antarctica

Our quest to find Weird Soda from around the world continues. We have so far found examples from various locations around the United States (including Hawaii), Mexico and the Himalayas (via California). A recent trip to Mitsuwa netted a number of examples from Japan. But there's one continent which generates virtually no Weird Soda. Remote, harsh, might even think that no Weird Soda at all would come from this place, but I have in my hands the counterexample.
I speak, hypothetical loyal reader, of Guarana Antarcticá.
I can only imagine the journey it must have taken. Undoubtedly brewed billions of years ago by the Elder Things in their fabled city behind the Mountains of Madness (now known as the Gamburtsev Range; they say it's just an unknown, large range of mountains buried in ice in the Antarctic interior, but we know better, don't we?) from shoggoth snot, it must have been traded to the Fungi from Yuggoth, who carried it in curiously carven cylinders across unknown gulfs of space to their worlds. Perhaps carried back to earth by Cthulhu's star-spawn themselves, Guarana Antarcticá must have been uncovered by explorers on curious basalt cliffs in Antarctica, then carried cautiously back to the Americas for bottling, and...
Wait. What's that on the can?
"The Brazilian Original".

Anyway, now we have one from Brazil too.

Where and when
: purchased 4/11/09 from Galco's, Los Angeles, CA
Color: pale orange, like a dark reddish ginger ale.
Scent: sweet and tart, with a sour herbal tone.
Kibbitzer-in-Chief: "Smells like penguin. Actually, smells kind of like Froot Loops, so I guess it's toucan."
Taste: Very sweet, with quite a bit of tart. A bit like SweeTarts, or maybe Smarties. The Kibbitzer-in-Chief says it tastes a lot like cherry hard candies, or cherry pastilles. I haven't had those, but I trust her palate. The taste is very strong, almost overwhelming.
There's an interesting sour note (without the sweet) which lingers around the edge.
It's actually somewhat like the Sidral Mundet we had before. That was a nice apple soda. This doesn't have the same apple taste, but there's something about the taste undertones which is similar. Something in the fairly complex sweet-tart interaction, maybe. It's also a bit like Mountain Dew, but rather than the brassy sweet-citrus of Dew, it's got a more subtle tartness. It's a bit strong for me, though.

I've only ever had Red Bull once, but this is a bit like that too. It has "Guarana extract" in it, so it may produce some interesting energy/hyperactivity effects. We'll call it "Mountain Dew of Madness".

Quaff rating: 2.5. The taste is nice, but it's very sweet. Unpleasantly so.
Cough rating: 1. So very strong...


  1. Ha. I just finished my last session of the "Beyond the Mountains of Madness" CoC adventure last weekend. Two years to finish, I was the only person with San left at the end of that last session.


    And I think you are far, far too kind to Guarana Antarctica.

  2. Huzzah indeed! I've never read that scenario, but from reading some others (Masks of Nyarlathotep), if you got out at all, you must have done well. Gotta love CoC.

    Guarana Antarctica was pretty cloying, but I managed to get it down. I did have to stop the Lead Assistant and Junior Assistant Testers from drinking very much; they liked it a lot, and it was late.

  3. you are such an idiot... the soda was created in Brazil... You give a compuer to an ignorant idiot and give him a venue,,, and there is YOU!

    1. So hostile. Maybe slow down on the sugar. Case in point of what the review states with regard to the hyperactive side effects….

  4. With all due respect, I believe you'll find, if you read to the bottom of the introductory section of the review, that I am aware that this soda is a product of Brazil. You see, the introductory sections of the reviews are intended to be humorous, and frequently rely on hyperbole, exaggeration, and intentional misunderstanding to produce an effect which is intended to be humorous.
    Perhaps in this case I was too successful in leading you, my reader, To conclude that I actually believed the soda was made on Yuggoth by sentient fungi.
    Or perhaps you only read the first sentences, and jumped to the conclusion that because you had read the first sentences, you already understood everything I might possibly have to say.
    In response, I can only offer my thanks for the admirable conciseness of your comment, which ensures that I don't have to read too much before deciding how to regard it.

  5. Having lived in Brazil for a number of years, I grew somewhat fond of Guarana Antarctica. It is actually probably the Cadillac of Guaranas (it's like cola down there, there are various brands) Coca-cola has a version down there called Tai, which is atrocious, and in Minas Gerais (a state) there is a local brand called Guarana Minero which is flatter than Antarctica, and a lot sweeter.


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