In the last two days, I've received two donations at my primary job. The first was from the Mysterious Stranger; I haven't done that one yet because I still haven't remembered to bring a bottle opener to work.
GALT: YOU STUPID @&%$#@!*ING %#$@. YOU'RE SO UTTERLY INCOMPETENT.
Well, yes. However, today I received a donation from a different source entirely. As I entered the classroom today, I found a can of Cherry 7-UP "Antioxidant" on the front desk. Cool! I had been meaning to try to find some for the Lab, and lo and behold, someone brings it right to me. Huzzah!
It turns out that it was one of my students. In keeping with WSR tradition, I asked this kind soul to choose a pseudonym by which she could be identified.
So many thanks, Pain-In-The-A**! (I swear that's the name she chose, I did not select it, so don't think I'm being rude or anything). And just so that we avoid any possible accusation of bias toward this student, GALT has asked that he be allowed to speak.
GALT: THANKS EVER SO %@#$*%ING MUCH. NOW I HAVE TO QUAFF YET ANOTHER SO-CALLED BEVERAGE. REST ASSURED THAT, IF IT IS AS MUCH LIKE PIG VOMIT AS I SUSPECT IT WILL BE, YOUR GRADE WILL DROP SO LOW THEY'LL BE LOOKING AT A SMOKING HOLE IN THE FLOOR OF THE LOWEST PIT OF HELL, WONDERING 'WHAT THE %@#$%@ WAS THAT THING WHICH SHOT DOWNWARDS THROUGH HERE AT NEAR-$@%#^*ING-RELATIVISTIC SPEEDS?' I DO LIKE THE NAME YOU CHOSE, THOUGH.
Er. Ha ha. Don't worry, nobody's grades are riding on this.
The can is bright, cheerful red, with a big cherry on it. Apparently, it is an antioxidant because it contains 10% of your RDA of vitamin E. I'll admit it will probably go down easier than a typical multivitamin. Other than that, it says that it is flavored only with natural flavors, which apparently means HFCS and other "natural flavors".
Where and when: Donated by Pain-In-The-A** in October 2009.
Scent: Bright and sweet. There is a definite smell of 7-up, but where 7-up is biting and citrusy, this is more mellow and fruity. It's still quite a bright scent, but I like it better than regular 7-up.
Taste: Interesting. The initial taste is not exactly cherry, more of a nonspecific "fruity" flavor. That lasts about two seconds. Then, at the edges of the tongue, this really interesting tart sensation creeps in. It overwhelms the mellow fruitiness, eroding its support like incoming tide undercutting the wall of a sandcastle. This barbarian tartness causes the walls of mellow fruitiness to crumble, allowing the hordes of synthetic cherry flavor to overrun the smoking ruin of the battlements.
So the tart leads to some cherry-like flavor, synthetic, but not like medicinal cherry. It's probably somewhere between pie filling and a sharp cherry soda. Overall, it's actually kind of pleasant. It's not all that complex, although the segue from bright and mellow to barbarian cherry onslaught is intriguing.
GALT: AS PIG VOMIT GOES, NOT HALF BAD. YOUR GRADE IS SAFE. FOR NOW.
Quaff rating: 3.0. Kind of nice, especially for a HFCS mass market soda.
Cough rating: 0.5. Really nothing to object to.
Red Ribbon Birch Beer
2 days ago