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Monday, January 4, 2010

Neurobrands Neurogasm

We at the lab are not prudes. We're modern, scientifically-minded folks, capable of discussing most any matter like civilized adults (well, those of us who are adults, anyway). Even topics which might produce blushes in those who are more inhibited can be brought up in a dispassionate manner, and discussed without undue frivolity.

And so tonight, we'll be reviewing Neurogas...*giggle*...er...hee hee...

Er. I'll try again.

The other day, as I perused the aisles of Primo's Market on a barbecued-pork-rib-acquisition mission, I paused on the soda aisle to see if anything new was available. I was delighted to find one I hadn't seen before, called Neur...uh...heh heh...Neurogas...*giggle*...

Dammit. Is this the Weird Soda Review Lab, bastion of scientific quaffitude, or is this the Institute of Going A Bit Red in Helsinki?*

All right, here goes.

Neurogasm Neurogasm NEUROGASM NEUROGASM NEUROGASM!!!

Er. Okay.

Yes, tonight's Weird Soda is called "Neurogasm". It stood out a bit on the shelf at Primo's, and I certainly couldn't pass it up.
Firstly, it's called "Neurogasm". And the bottle has an unusual, streamlined shape.
Second, as it happens, I have a degree in neuroscience, and thus I had to investigate it as a part of both my professional lives (as a neuroscientist and as the Quaffmaster).

So, let's review the claims of Neurogasm. First, it displays a sagittal** view of the human head, with a superimposed waveform of some sort, probably meant to evoke the potential idea of EEG. Next to this is the slogan "GET SMART" (presumably not a TV show reference), and "play the healthy way". Below this is the further text "passion in every bottle.

Hmmm. The bottle is implying that the beverage within will make you more intelligent, more passionate, or both.
On the back, it says:

"Have fun...with modern science's greatest blend of natural passion enhancers," followed by a list of ingredients which (presumably) are supposed to have some sort of beneficial physiological effect.

At least it doesn't suggest that you "Feel the Fizz", as the Zuberfizz did. In context, that would be...well...*giggle*...

It seems that Neurogasm is supposed to make me more able to have some sort of passionate fun by filling me full of "science's greatest blend of passion enhancers". It is interesting to note that a substantial fraction of these enhancers are also found in other energy drinks, which make no claims regarding passion. Several of them are simply amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. And one is straight-out caffeine.

Hyperactive and passionate. A recipe for good lovin'? Well, let's find out.
Soberly, scientifically, and in a dignified and objective fashion, of course.

Where and when: purchased January 2010 at Primo's Market, Vista, CA
Color: reddish-purple, mostly opaque.
Scent: Tart, sweet, fruity. Fairly harsh.
Taste: Odd. The initial taste is fairly acidic, not all that sweet, with some citric tang. That stays more or less unchanged, but is joined by...nothing. It's a very odd thing. It's as if you added an equal portion of straight carbonated water, diluting the taste, but not until it's been in your mouth for a few seconds. I don't think I've ever tasted that before.

K-i-C: "Tastes like slimy Hawaiian punch."
Punctilius: "It's got more pineapple than Hawaiian Punch." *swigs, grimaces* "Not bad. Not good either. Not much of anything, actually, not remarkable. I certainly don't feel any sort of spasm. Or any gasm. Spasm-gasm."

That's a good description. It's not unlike Gatorade crossed with Hawaiian Punch and carbonated, except less distinctive. It's sort of aggressively blah. It leaps forward, grabs your lapels, forces you to look it in the eye, and then hums "Girl from Ipanema". This does not inspire me to passion, I fear. Beyond the name, this Weird Soda is approximately as sexy as Trident gum. And not the cinnamon flavor.

Quaff rating: 1.5. No real reason to drink it; the name is the most exciting part.
Cough rating: 0.5. Not particularly unpleasant.

* I was unable to walk past a Victoria's Secret store in the mall without blushing until I was almost 18.
** I have to use the word "sagittal" to establish neuroscience cred. It means side-view.

58 comments:

  1. Okay. I'll admit that I was intrigued enough by the company name of Neurobrands to wonder what else they sold. Apparently they're only a soda company and not purveyors of neurological encyclopedias who decided to make a soda.

    Anywho...as I was poking around their site, I was struck by their blurb about another flavor, NeuroAqua which states, "From the heavens to your body. Pure Adobe Spring water with the Earth's essential mineral, Magnesium. A perfect combination to revitalize."

    Magnesium eh? That's a bit of an obscure choice to be singled out as the earth's essential mineral. And is the psudeo fact a that it is earth's essential mineral a compelling reason as to why I should wish to consume it via a soda?

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  2. I would say not. Magnesium is an important ion in physiology, and we do need a regular supply of it. Apparently, magnesium deficiency is not that uncommon. However--like with many nutrients--it is plentiful in vegetables.
    I'm not aware of any short-term "revitalizing" effect of magnesium (although I remember seeing a poster about how administration of large amounts post-stroke might help protect brain function), so I don't see any reason why having it in a soda would be particularly splendid.

    And yes...why it would be Earth's "essential mineral" is beyond me.

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  3. I wasn't passing judgment on the nutritional importance of magnesium but rather the odd logical correlation of it being an essential mineral of Earth as though that somehow makes it a good thing to put in a soda. I would have no quibble if they were promoting their soda as containing an essential substance for humans, but no, they're framing their blurb around it being important in the Earth.

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  4. Definitely agree. I think we should start referring to other common elements and compounds with grandiose titles.
    "Silicon dioxide, the sine qua non of sand"
    "Bismuth, prince of elements beginning with B"
    "Sulfur, the element whose isotopes provide a frisson of excitement to the periodic table"

    *grin*

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  5. I stumbled upon this soda at a local walgreens.. Of course, being a marketing major, the advertisments drew me in.. Neurogasm?! woohoo.. and I immediatly broke into a small daydream of wondering if it was possible for the brain to actually have a "gasm.." I like the warning on the back that states this is not for small children under 12 or for pregnant woman. Intresting.. The Neuro Trim was alright, nothing too fancy, I didnt really feel anything.
    Today I have been sipping on the Neurogasm, and I must say, that I must be one of the many of the people with magnesium deficiency because I'm feeling this. Now, I am on sinus congestion medicine, so maybe there is a medicine interaction, but I must say my cheeks are warm and my head is feeling a little fuzzy.
    So in conclusion, I must say that the extra Arginine and maybe the boost of Inositiol has stirred up some pleasant mood boosting feelings.. I will mostly likely return to buy a few more when i'm not on cold medicine and see if I get the same results.. :)

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  6. I got the same result, I have a cold but am on no medicine, No real "Gasm" feeling but It certainly put me in a better mood for how much pain my leg is in from work. It gave me a good boost of energy... this coming from someone who can drink 5 ordinary energy drinks n feel nothing as if it was water... Today was my first day drinking this Neurogasm and I think I have become a dedicated customer already (I went back to the store and purchased 3 more to prepare for tomorrow)

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  7. You don't think that there may be some psychological effects there? If you have faith that there is "passion in every bottle", then there probably is. I tried the Neurosonic today, and to be honest, it kinda burned my nose and made my throat itch a little. I'm still extremely sleepy, and probably not going to make it through this biotechnology class in an hour...
    And it's funny because I also noticed a lot of clains about ingredients such as glucuronolactone, which is naturally made by the body after eating, and how it improves mood. So you'll feel good if you drink this soda, or if you eat lunch.
    Also, I'm kind of skeptical to a lot of the amino acid claims such as L-phenylalanine, which is non-polar. I feel like a soft drink would just break it down before the body got to it in any useful form, right?

    I love this review btw...

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  8. i tried this and i didnt feel gasmic but i did feel alot of euphoria and it was crazy i thinkima quit ecstasy and move to this... take the safer way :D

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  9. Placebo effect at its finest?

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  10. I agree total placebo
    some paid informant was all like wow it really freak-in works go burn your wallets, but it is blatetenly a Placebo

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  11. I just took it for the first time and I can really say that it's much of a placebo effect. I never take this sort of stuff and whenever I do i never believe its going to work, i just drink it to try something new. I must say that within a couple of minutes of downing the bottle something just clicked inside of me and im up and kinda shaky. the last thing to do this to me was 5 hour energy although it had a delayed effect and hit me 5 hours later..., i dont know what it is about this thing but it certainly gave me a boost.

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  12. Neurogasm works best when taken on an empty stomach. The main ingredient l-arginine increase nitrous oxide levels in the blood and increase blood flow. I drank one and felt the difference. It was not a placebo effect. I have taken many substances in my life and can assure you that it did do something to me. The supplement l-arginine is widely used by bodybuilders and in large doses is said to increase release of HGH. I am not sure about any of the other neurodrinks, as I have not tried them. I tried neurogasm in an attempt to lessen some side effects of adderall. It worked for me. I also once took a supplement with l-arginine and the effects were similar, yet much greater since the dosage of l-arginine was higher. Look it up and you will find a great deal of info on the net. L-arginine is sold at many health food stores. The dose many take is higher than that of neurogasm, but perhaps the added amino acids in the drink increase the effects of l-arginine enough to feel it. If you want to feel the effects, try it on an empty stomach.

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  13. Continued from last post.
    I thought I would mention that the supplement I took was called NO2. It created a "perpetual pump". One side effect to the increased blood flow was more color in your face resulting in a healthier appearance. Even though it was a bodybuilding supplement, women took it just to get the healthy glow. Hope this info helps.

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  14. I took this last night...let me say, MY results seem to be very different from everyone else's on here :D

    I was sleepy, drank this...then my body started feeling all tingly. My cheeks became red, I started to sweat, and I was VERY..well, um...turned on.

    Had the best sex of the year. I know, it's only April...but STILL...

    I took it on an empty stomach, drank it all EXTREMELY fast...and was watching the movie "teeth". Very odd circumstances, but I loved the drink. Went back and bought 5. I'll post results. Xo

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  15. My wife bought some of these. We drank one each (after having some rum & coke). About 30min later we started foreplay. Fast forward another 30min and we both were amazed at the results. But both being skeptical having had a few drinks also. We repeated the next night with no drinks other than water with dinner, and the neurogasm before bed. Again it was an amazing feeling. We both agree we have amazing sex anyway, but these in our opinion, do enhance the experience whether drink alcohol also or completely sober. We even shared a bottle and both felt the ehanced pleasure.

    My suggestion, try it yourself. Maybe it only helped us since we already have amazing sex. Maybe if you don't enjoy it much then it won't help much. I don't know.

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  16. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  17. Sorry, folks. Please avoid profanity.
    I think I tend to ascribe any coital enhancements from this to the placebo effect as well, but the nice thing about the placebo effect is that it does work. So hey, if Neurogasm helps you to enjoy each other more, then go for it.

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  18. The NeuroSleep is the best drink made by the company, mainly because it just has a buttload of melatonin. Pretty much any soda/drink out there (I've seen a few, ie Marley's Mellow, JustChill) that is supposed to calm you down is just a bunch of melatonin in some sugary, carbonated water...Quaff, from a scientific point of view, are there any chemicals present in the Neurogasm that are supposed to do anything? I guess if I wanted to make a real "gasm" drink I would just put some viagra into a soda.

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    Replies
    1. Sound's like a good idea to me. Placebo, definitely from my viewpoint. Sounds like if you have to ponder on the label and what it claims it does then yeah, you're probably mentally going to feel like it's working but that could easily be your mind and not the drink at all. But yeah, I do agree that if I wanted to have a 'gasm' then I too would put Viagra in some soda and give it a swirl.

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  19. I drank the Neuro-Sleep last night and it nocked me out cold. I was impressed with that. I'm currently trying the Bliss,and I have a Gasm sitting in the fridge. They seemed interesting so I figured I'd give it a go. :)

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  20. Well, I certainly would not say that this drink made me any more or less frisky than I already was, but it DID make me just a little more alert. That's no surprise, because it has caffeine and taurine. I can see where it might increase blood flow, too, considering it contains niacin which is a supplement most use for cleansing the body..

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  21. I love this drink, even though i think that the only neuro gasm going on is tricking your brain to think that the sex will be better, however, it does say that it increases blood flow and a few other bedroom related things, which i can firmly believe. there. neuro plus gasm. the tsaste? in my honest opinion, it has more of a mango flavor than anything. personally i hate mangos. "but you just said its your favorite drink"; that i did. i like it because of the effects, but mostly what the taste reminds me of: eating a girl out.

    ps: within 30 minutes of good workout, empty stomach, 2 for each partner, best results.

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  22. Maybe people should drink it and then have sex to see if it helps them out. (:

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    1. I bought my first today had half bottle, gave other half to my hunny. 10 minutes later felt happy bouncer not tired. We had sex and it felt like we where Rollin in orgasms over and over. I agree have sex after drinking it to feel different it enhances sex. Not give you orgasm. Lol. I loved it.

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  23. im 14 and i got this at the store and i didnt know wat gasm ment but i got it showed my parents and they said sounds good so i drnk it at skool and my frends were laughing and i didnt know why so the told me about this word gasm and i dumped it out i though wen they said passition in every bottle i though they ment the cared and i tought wen they said provides playful energy i thought they ment working out

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  24. I'm intrigued by the fact that your parents (who presumably understood the reference to "orgasm") had less objection to the concept than you did. However, you can rest assured that--in all likelihood--the stuff has no particular effect on sexuality or sexual responses.

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  25. Skeptically tried it this weekend. Drank it on an empty stomach. No, it was not a placebo effect, it just made me warm, slightly erotic, a low level buzz feeling. Its not viagra in a bottle, but it did enhance my mood. I couldnt get enough. Will be drinking more.

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  26. The skepticism is appreciated, but in order to confidently claim that the effect you felt was not a placebo effect, you'd need a more formalized study design.

    The main problem is that you had only one drink, and you *knew* it was Neurogasm. Thus, you'd tend to attribute any perceived effect to the fact that it was Neurogasm, rather than coincidence or just sugar water. In addition, your expectation that it *might* have an effect makes the perception of an effect more likely.

    To do this properly, I suggest the following: Have a friend prepare two identical cups. One should contain Neurogasm, the other some sort of similar concoction (carbonated sugar water, etc.) Have one one one night, and the other the next night--but don't let your friend tell you which was which until *after* you've fully documented any effects from either one.

    Repeat a few times, and see what you've got!

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  27. I agree that it is a placebo effect. I was let down in the same context as when I tried 5 gum - no I didn't feel the sensation. I am curious though, what kind of marketing claims are there to Neurogasm? It just showed up in the store one day, I have never seen a commercial for it or heard about it other than just a few people around in college-town, where everyone is ridiculous and full of bogus claims about sexually related things... such as Neurogasm.

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  28. To the best of my knowledge, they have made no marketing claims, at least not directly. The text on the bottle is suggestive, but makes no obvious claims. My guess is that that is because the makers of the stuff know that it has no direct effect.
    None of that is to say that it cannot have any effect, of course; eroticism is mostly in the mind anyway. If you think that Neurogasm is likely to make you feel more aroused, and you and your partner are enjoying each others' company anyway, that belief alone might enhance your experience. Of course, the same could be said for a glass of milk, a piece of string cheese, or an episode of Babylon 5. Some people get excited by having sex outdoors, or where they might be discovered, or on top of a pile of mangoes. I suspect that any effect of Neurogasm is due to the people involved thinking "Hey, I just drank Neurogasm, I'll bet I'm gonna have a great time!", and lo and behold, they do.

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  29. OK I drank it and I feel good yet tingling and thinking about sex so I guess I should write a song about it

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  30. I agree with Ole Quaffmaster, I don't believe it has any sexual benefits. It's probably just a marketing technique and it's just a placebo affect.

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  31. I tried Neurotrim today and I enjoyed it, the taste was pleasant and I actaully got sad when i spilled some. I did yoga while drinking it and it made me happier. Guess its just cause I wasn't drinking boring water or harmful soda but I honestly have nothing bad to say about it.

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  32. Don't mix it with a 5 hour...72 hours of hell.

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    1. Not really Hell, I'd say: Hella fun! Cause you get to spend more of you time doing things you like/love doing. Plus, at the end of it all, you get your best and longest rest ever. Well, I don't know what you guys think, but I feel like this would be the best opportunity to have some fun, especially when you're all stressed and exhausted from work, school, and whatever drama you've got going around you.

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  33. No it will not make you gasm but all the ingredients do increase bloodflow everywhere and increased bloodflow to your parts down below make it easier to.... U know. You do not need to take a drink to help with that, there are other supplements however it is nice to have it all in one drink. I had it and absolutely loved it but I am a smoker so have decreased bloodflow anyways and I really did have more pleasure during intercourse. The taste may be offputting to some but I loved it! It definately was not a placebo effect,however 5 hour energies gave me simalar results, but not so much bloodflow down there like this did. But I am also getting off Cymbalta which decreases everything sexually when taking it so now that I am down tp the lowest dose possible that may have something to do with me having more pleasure also

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  34. okay ima going to try this tomorrow ...seems to have more pros then cons ....and curiosity always gets me in the end...wish me luck

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  35. I tried the Bliss one without knowing anything about it. I just liked the bottle. I thought it was just soda. It definitely affected me. Several coworkers commented on my "stoned" behaviour. It absolutely boosted my mood. I was hoarse at the end of the night from all the extra talking I did because of this. It did give me a mild headache though. Way to expensive to drink regularly, and the taste was odd. It was good overall but plain Sprite tastes better.

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  36. Hello! It's going to have an effect because it has CAFFEINE in it. That's not a placebo. There are plenty of real scientific studies that show caffeine boosts mood. Goodbye!

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  37. Caffeine is certainly a psychoactive substance, but I'm not aware of anything which suggests it acts as an aphrodisiac. Perhaps they (the makers of Neurogasm) mean to suggest that it will help you stay awake long enough to achieve sexual satisfaction?
    Of course, if staying awake is your biggest stumbling block, you may have another problem.

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  38. I was curious about trying this today. A coworker and I stumbled across it in a gas station. After reading these reviews, I kinda wanna try it! I have trouble reaching orgasm (not just with one partner, but with multiple people I've slept with, so I know it's not just them), and I'm wondering if this will help! Its worth a try if it does!! :)

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  39. These drinks do affect you in some way,but the key is drinking it on an empty stomach preferrably in the morning

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    1. Shouldn't take the Neuro Sleep in the morning, you'll want to sleep during the middle of class in the afternoon or sometime on the way to work. I've used it in the morning by curiosity and trust me, it's a bad idea D:

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  40. 1st. When drinking this on an empty stomach how long does the effect last? 2. Which one of these work the best and helps you with energy/ happiness?

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  41. This is the biggest question I've got to ask: What would happen if someone were to drink all the flavored of the Neuro Drinks at once? I want to know the side effects or feelings of all the condensed feelings you get from it all. Anyone has an awesome explanation for me/us?

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    1. Dude, I'll totally try it, and post it on my blog...nice term there: "condensed feelings". It made me feel weird, like the happy serum Tris was given in "Insurgent" by Veronica Roth.

      Ahh I felt like I couldn't shut up or stop feeling happy...d**mmit!

      Delete
    2. By "it made me feel weird", I was talking about Neurobliss...havent done all of them at once yet.

      Clearing things up. :D.

      Delete
  42. You know, the Neuro brand has brought up health inquiries? I tried Neurobliss for the first time yesterday, and for the next hour while rock climbing, I was bubbly and chatty.
    IM NEVER LIKE THAT!!!

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  43. I felt or noticed a slight libido arousal increase, but I didn't try having sex on it.

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  46. My boyfriend and I tried NeuroBliss today. It was in B&M stores (one of those big shops that stock random things really cheap) and was 49p per bottle. Liked the look of the pretty bottle and didn't bother reading any description. Name, price, and we where set without caring more. We where just thirsty. :')

    We're both 17 years old.

    Didn't really feel it boost the mood of either of us, however about an hour after drinking we spent 75% of the remaining day play-fighting, laughing, helping his brother on stuff like homework and other such things. Cuddled more than usual too. No stress, all smiles and not a single thought to anything unhappy.

    We took this at mid-day after shopping for 2 and a half hours, having eaten nothing but a Subway since 9AM. My boyfriend fell asleep only about 15 minutes ago and I am still fired up and raring to go. ^-^

    Both of us being under a lot of stress as I have just moved in with his family (his mother, father, his 5 year old brother and ourselves all in a tiny house that's also the work office, and his mother ONLY speaks Russian and his father knows basic English, making it hard to get by) A-levels and a whole bunch of medical issues each.
    We have argued or gotten upset (due to feeling worthless because of family issues being seperate and combined) every day since I moved in almost a month ago. I was thrilled to break the cycle.

    Due to not reading the stuff on the bottle until he fell asleep it wasn't possible to be a placebo effect becase we didn't know what we where drinking. We both drink energy drinks often with nothing more that a nice taste as an effect. Nothing about our day prior to the drink was out of the ordinary for us. The only thing we changed was the drink.

    Buying again on PayDay.

    Hope this is useful! ^-^

    Missi Kitti

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  47. caffeine makes me horny so this works for me.

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  48. Ok it doesn't actually give your brain a "gasm" but it does increase sex drive. Wen I was on opiods my sex drive was way low and I drank this thinking it wouldn't do much but it did. it made sex enjoyable which is hard to say when on opioids.

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