Lester's Fixins Peanut Butter and Jelly Soda

Remember in our review of Rocket Fizz Peanut Butter Soda, when we suggested that the only way to make it worse would have been to have a peanut butter and jelly soda?
Yep.
There is a soda company, Lester's Fixins (bottled by Rocket Fizz), which seems to be specializing in producing carbonated versions of a variety of comfort foods (such as bacon, sweet corn, and peanut butter and jelly). My mother was born in Texas, and maintains a deep love of fried okra. We can only assume that somewhere in my future, I will be drinking a bottle of fried okra soda.

I feel about this much the same way as Londo Mollari felt about his vision of his own future.*

In any case, the Kibbitzer picked up a few samples of these from the new Rocket Fizz in Vista, and I can no longer put off the inevitable. Let's start with what is probably--incredibly--the least horrendous, Peanut Butter and Jelly.

I hoped that, by placing this in a pleasant pastoral setting, I could compensate for the horror of its existence.

Where and when: purchased in May 2012 at Rocket Fizz, Vista, CA  
Color: An oddly sickly pinkish-orange. I'm not sure why; if it's meant to reflect the intended taste, I can only assume that this is a peanut butter and guava jelly sandwich. Which is an assumption I don't want to make.
Scent:
Me: "All right, anybody want to smell and taste this with me?" The rest of the Lab staff, in chorus: "NO."

*sniff* Holy crud, it *is* guava jelly.

The smell is sweet and citrusy, with a bit of muskiness. No detectable peanut butter, and definitely not any jelly I normally put on sandwiches.**

Nazgul (forced to smell): "It actually smells good, kind of like cherry".

I see what he means, but it'd be a tart cherry. I still get more guava or passionfruit from it.

Taste: Blech.
Okay, now I get the peanut butter. Actually, it's a more accurate peanut butter taste than the previous one. This isn't that far off from a semi-sugared peanut butter like Jif or Skippy. I've gotten used to the natural/organic peanut butters, and this isn't anything like those...but it does taste a bit like peanut butter.
Not that that's a good thing.

The jelly part is also there. It's not guava; all of the acid and muskiness is in a thin crust on the flavor surface. Underneath, it's a pretty clear grape jelly--again, sweetened and synthetic-ish, but grape.

The acid and musk on the top does not help. The major impression I get is of a Skippy/Welch's Grape Jelly sandwich, on Wonder bread, on which someone has plopped a heavy dollop of cantaloupe and tamarind puree.

It's not pleasant; it's actually kind of revolting. But I will give Lester's Fixins points for accuracy; it does actually taste something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Quaff rating: 2.5. Somewhat interesting.
Cough rating: 2.0. But in a bad way.

*You should watch Babylon 5. Just in case you don't, Londo was NOT pleased about his future. On the other hand, in its way, it saved millions of lives. I'm not sure if that would be enough to get me to drink fried okra soda.
** Actually, I prefer crunchy peanut butter with dijon mustard on potato bread.